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The important thing to remember is that all the emotions we discuss are normal, but while some are readily acknowledged by the people experiencing them, others are so uncomfortable that it's difficult even to admit they exist. While some individuals go through nearly all of the extreme emotional states that we describe here, others have an easier time getting through this period and will maneuver these choppy waters with more skill.Unfortunately, both our court system and our culture at large encourage us to take action in divorces based on how we feel when we are at the bottom of the emotional roller coaster, when we are most gripped by anxiety, fear, grief, guilt, and shame.After all, that's when most people are moved to make the first call to a divorce lawyer.
Experiencing guilt and shame is also a normal reaction to the end of a marriage.In addition, people feeling anxious and fearful may resist pressure to move forward and resolve divorce-related issues because of feeling unready, while their spouses may be impatient, seeing no reason why the divorce wasn't over months ago.Bitter fights in the divorce courts often stem from differences such as these.These feelings arise when we feel a sense of failure -- of not having fulfilled our own or our community's expectations.
In the case of divorce, people often feel guilt and/or shame because they have failed to stay married for life.We've encountered few divorcing people who find it easy to see or accept their own feelings of guilt and shame.