Normal dating progression
With years of maturing and growth and experience, they try again and this time many of them have a much greater success.This is the famous "U" chart on marital satisfaction.An we need to create "smart marriages" that know how to handle the Power Struggle and how to tap into the healing qualities of the relationship.These courageous couples who stay together through the unhappiness of the Power Struggle tend to adjust by creating what is call a "parallel marriage".Just as children go through normal, predictable stages of development, so do relationships.And just as it is helpful for parents to understand their children by understanding the phases of development, so it is helpful for couples to know the stages of relationships, know which one they are in and thereby see what is happening from a perspective of intelligence and wisdom.
They may periodically try to connect again, but they again discover that the wounds and protective patterns learned in childhood emerge.Most love relationships start off in what is usually called the "Romantic" phase or the "Enchantment" phase. The brain secretes a special endorphin in this phase that makes the lovers feel happy, complete, alive, and very positive. In this phase the partners want to spend lots of time with each other (that's when the endorphin gets secreted and the partners want that wonderful feeling).When we are "in love" and on endorphins, we actually feel different, respond differently and in some ways ARE different.The endorphins make us feel whole and complete so that we are less easily hurt or bothered and our reactivity is greatly lessened.
That's why the poet can say, "I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I'm with you".
We are given a taste of the potential of the relationship, but unfortunately, it is a chemically induced taste and cannot and should not last forever.